A vicious circle... that I've created

Just sitting here in my friend's apartment... renting a room. Was too tired to work out this morning... or was I just not motivated... it is like I have a mixture of depression and motivation battling each other over territory in my brain. I feel so stoked about getting in shape one minute and the next I can't lift my head from my bed to even get online. I feel like I need to be alone. All around. Nobody talking... no TV... no radio. Just me. Like when I lived in the van. But that only helped me get in shape when I lived like that. I need to get on with my career and get in front of the camera. I need to stop putting so much energy into my relationship and I need to put it into me, I need to get off my butt and get into the gym, I need to eat 3 square meals a day, and drink plenty of water, I need to quit smoking, I need to stop blaming others, I need to stop making excuses and I need to make a real plan and stick to it. Look...I'm already tired of writing and I want to go to sleep. I am waiting for my girlfriend to call me right now and it pisses me off so I'm drinking. A vicious circle.